What I Want
by lymerikk
Summary: Garnet can see through Pearl's facade, and all she wants to do is help her love herself. Pearlnet, High School AU. Just something quick and shippy. Getting back into the swing of things of writing.


Their lips met, pressing together hard and warm. Pearl was shocked, but not upset, and tried to close her eyes and enjoy, despite the panic rising as to what was just happening. Her back was pressed against the wall of the school building, and Garnet's hand was pressed to the wall beside her head. The moment was disrupted as the loud toll of the school bell rang out.

"G-Garnet!" Pearl stammered, watching the older girl turn and start to walk to class. "Wait, can you explain-"

"We have class," she answered, stoic as ever as she looked over her shoulder. Her cheeks were a little darker than normal, and Pearl could only assume it was the tiniest hint of a blush. Garnet was gone in less than a minute, and Pearl still hadn't been able to move from that spot against the wall. All she could do was slowly lift her thin fingers to her lips, and feel that odd kind of warmth that Garnet left behind.

 _I'm late! I'm never late, this is such a disaster!_ Pearl scurried through the school grounds, scrambling to get her things out so she could go into her English classroom. She sat down rather anxiously, quickly apologising to their teacher for her tardiness. She was given a reply of 'Pearl, how odd. It's alright', but it didn't calm her down at all.

"Hey, P," the Filipino girl beside her whispered, looking up at Pearl from where she was slumped on her desk. "Somethin' up? You got that look on you like you've been attacked by ghosts."

"Everything's fine," Pearl answered quickly and quietly, averting her eyes from the slob beside her. "Uh, no it's not," Amethyst scoffed, raising a brow. "You look like garbage."

Pearl just turned her head, resting her small chin on the top of her hands, fingers interlaced. They were shushed by the teacher, and didn't talk until the lesson was over.

It was lunchbreak now, the long one. Garnet had an AP science class during this period. It wouldn't be until the end of the day that Pearl was able to talk to her again. She walked with Amethyst, holding her heavy (and very messy) bag for her while she went and bought some greasy mess from the canteen. "Here," she said quietly, delicately handing the bag back.

"Thanks," Amethyst yawned, already stuffing her face with the food she'd bought.

"You can't even wait to sit down," scolded Pearl quietly.

When they were sitting down, Pearl couldn't bring herself to eat at all. "Something.. is wrong." She admitted after a small period of silence. Amethyst tilted her head, thick hair moving a little as she did.

"So.. what is it?" she asked, looking up at her friend.

"Garnet.. she.. er," she trailed off, lifting her hand to her lips again.

"No way.." Amethyst gasped, leaning in with what seemed like stars in her eyes. "Pearl!"

"Amethyst?!" she cried in response, blushing brightly. She hadn't even said what had happened! Amethyst shouldn't have assumed. But she did.

"Are you two like dating now?!" she gasped again, putting her chubby hands on Pearl's thin arm. "Ooh, ooh, how'd she ask you?!"

"She didn't! A-and we're not." Pearl clarified, running a hand through her short hair. "She just.. She kissed me."

"Whoaaa..." Amethyst murmured. "Awesome, though. She say why?"

"I wouldn't be so distressed if she had!" she cried, leaning over and rubbing her temples. "I have no idea! It's.. It's not like her to do something like that so out of the blue!" Amethyst frowned, creasing her brow. Gently, she put a hand on Pearl's shoulder, and gave her a little smile.

"It'll all be okay, P."

Pearl didn't see Garnet again until the end of school bell rang. She finally caught up to her, looking up to her with worried blue eyes. "Please tell me," she asked, lightly holding onto Garnet's arm. Garnet paused, lowering her dark glasses a little so Pearl could see her eyes.

"How did it make you feel?" she asked, deep voice enchanting to hear after a day of anxiety and confusion.

Pearl wasn't sure how to answer. A variety of things, she supposed. "Er.. Nice, I guess." Garnet paused, her hand on Pearl's shoulder.

"I want you to feel loved the same way I do."

* * *

Pearl went home that evening, weary and emotionally drained. So Garnet had seen it. Behind the overconfidence and the happy demeanour, behind the singing and the joyful elegance. How much she hated herself. Pearl wondered how transparent she was exactly. But maybe it was just Garnet who was good at seeing. She was so smart, so kind, so wise. And she always knew what to say. As much as Pearl enjoyed her company and friendship, Garnet made her feel.. inadequate. Half of what she was supposed to be. Incomplete.

The next morning, Garnet waited for her at the gate. Pearl didn't want to look at her, but stopped when she approached anyway. "Good morning, Garnet," she greeted quietly, holding the strap of her bag apprehensively.

"Morning," Garnet replied, running a hand through her massive afro. "How'd you sleep?"

"Alright," Pearl answered, small shoulders tense. There was a moment of silence, before Garnet decided it was time to get it into the open.

"I know you don't value yourself as much as you should," Garnet said, quietly, slowly removing her shades and drawing Pearl's eye back to her. "I.. I don't know quite how. But I want to make you feel loved." Pearl looked back down, eyes weary. "Loved," Garnet continued. "And love for yourself."

"I can't just-.. I can't." Pearl stammered, almost on instinct. "How don't you know-"

"I'm not as perfect as you think," Garnet answered, quickly and on point. "I have my flaws. Just as you do. But you can't let yours control you." Pearl was deadly quiet.

"If I can do anything to help you think better of yourself, I will." The taller girl said bluntly, hands resting solidly on Pearl's shoulders.

Pearl could hardly speak, and she just leant against Garnet, closing her eyes and making it into an embrace. "Thank you." She uttered, weakly. "You always could see right through me."


End file.
